We all want to have friends in our lives, don’t we? So why is it so hard sometimes? Sure, you might have moments where you think you’ll be friends forever, but why does it fall apart? The truth is most friendships tend to wear out. Making new friends is easy, but keeping those friends is real work. However, keeping your friends and building lasting friendships is possible.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t some factors that foster lasting friendships. Stellar friends are like god-sent people who can be more bonded to you than a sibling or relative. They help go through life at all times- good and bad. That’s why you need good friends. The idea of friendship is awesome because you can’t do life alone; you need amazing people to do life with you.
Think of the days when you had a personal dealing and a friend showed up and had your back. If you had no friend to speak with at the time, the situation might get out of hand and lead to depression. When your friends give you their shoulders to lean on, you feel relieved even if you haven’t found a solution to the problem.
Building lasting friendships depends more on who you are than your friends; your personality and commitment to friendship determine how impactful it will be.
What is friendship?
Friendship is a mutual connection between two or more people. It can be described as a social and emotional bond between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. It is beyond physical dates, laughs and chats. The real bond of friendship is of the heart.
Reasons why friendships do not last
Friendship isn’t just meant to survive; it ought to thrive. There are many reasons why friendships end. The most obvious one is that people grow apart. They change, have different interests, or just lose interest in being friends. People also end friendships when there is a betrayal of trust, or someone does something hurtful. In some cases, it’s because of social media — people can get into arguments or spread rumors about each other online, leading to real-life problems. Other reasons why friendships do not last are:
- Distance
- You do not have enough time for your friend
- You choose the wrong friends
- Lack of commitment
- Unrealistic expectations
- Different interests and priorities
What are the tips for lasting friendships?
What’s the secret to a life filled with lasting friendships? Am I friends with an old elementary school teacher on Facebook because we enjoyed wine together once? No. The only way building friendships last is through meaningful and caring interactions and heart skills.
You may be looking to make your friendship with your best friends or group of friends better, but like money, good conversation and friends do not grow on trees, so I’ve compiled some tips and tricks for building lasting friendships, this tips are helpful to nurture your friendship amongst your childhood friends too:
1. Be a good listener
Every friendship demands that you have regular conversations; in the middle of conversing with your friend(s), topical and sensitive issues might be discussed, while at it be calm with reassuring gestures such as nodding, giving a warm pat on the back, and hug tightly after the conversation.
During a deep or sensitive conversation, if you are meeting your friend physically, say affirming positive words after some clauses, and encourage your friend to breathe in and out. It is also important to avoid talking about your problem at that time. Focus on your friend.
If the conversation is a piece of good news or a friendly chat, join in the cheerful gestures and express the best countenance for the moment.
Listen without judgment, do not speak or intercept the conversation abruptly; this will help you understand what your friend is feeling and put you in a better position to help them. After the conversation, don’t forget to ask how you can be of help.
2. Be available/make time for your friends.
There is a popular saying, “A friend in need is a true friend indeed.” Friends expect your presence and availability in many ways- both the good and bad days. Think of a friend who lost her brother; you are her closest pal in town. When she called to share her distress, she would expect you to visit as soon as possible. True friendship love cannot be quantified!
Or a friend who is getting married next week and has done some other celebrations in the past such as graduation, housewarming and retirement party but you didn’t show; you may begin to pass a message of unavailability and lack of love.
If you have been invited, you must show up or call if you cannot make it there. Create ample time for your friends when they need you or your intuition says so. Say a phone call or text to check up on them and remind them how much you love them.
Because out of sight can be out of mind. If you have a group of friends who live in different towns, you can plan an annual vacation or summer holiday, or a hang-out can be planned during the birthday of one of your friends. It helps to cement the bond and make it last longer.
3. Make an effort to resolve conflicts quickly.
There is no perfect person, which means you can’t have a perfect friend or friend. You are bound to make mistakes, which can happen intentionally or unintentionally in your friendship.
When your friend hurts or despairs you, to make the friendship thrive and foster, call and make an effort to resolve the conflict quickly rather than resent your feelings. Don’t dwell on the cause of conflict for long. Instead, communicate your feelings, discuss a solution and forgive easily.
4. Love your friends for who they are, not what they do
People who make friends based on what their friends can offer fall off the cliff on dark days. When we don’t appreciate our friends for who they are, we lose them. You have to love your friends for their quirks, flaws and imperfections.
We must accept them and not expect them to change for us or anyone else. This is an important rule for lasting friendships.
Don’t judge your friends based on their appearance or background because there’s more to every person than meets the eye — everyone has their own story; everyone has their struggles; everyone has their hopes and dreams; everyone has their fears; everyone has their strengths and weaknesses; everyone makes mistakes (just like you).
Be open-minded to love your friends despite their differences.
We should never try to change your friends because deep down inside, we know that we can’t change people who don’t want to be changed.
It also implies that we must not love our friends in seasons. We must love them in and out of seasons. Kindness to your CEO friend should not diminish when you are with your waitress friend.
5. Follow the golden rule of friendship.
Treat others how you’d want them to treat you! It’s easy to take people closest to you for granted. Make sure your friends know how much you love them by treating them well! Love is the greatest language; people love to be loved in the right acts or words at the right time. The golden rule is simple- do to others what you want them to do to you. Be a good friend too.
Don’t do anything outside this rule except if you want to ruin your friendship. Remember that your friends will likely reciprocate your energy and commitment towards them.
If you want to show up for you, show up for them. You will receive the same measure of love or more when you buy gifts, make calls, share in their pain, and celebrate with them. The golden rule should remind you to keep your friendship motive and commitment. With the golden rule, your friendships can last a lifetime.
6. Be a good friend too
This appears to be the most salient point amongst others. Building a lasting friendship requires that you are a good friend yourself.
Be generous with your time and make it a priority to be there for your friends when they need you — even if it means rescheduling an appointment or saying no to an invitation so you can catch up with them instead. If you aren’t a good friend, why should anyone want to be friends with you? Learn to be kind, honest and loyal. Do what is expected from a good friend.
If your goal is to build lasting friendships, you might want to consider the tips we’ve outlined above. We have touched on some things you can do to improve your friendship skills and make quality friendships last.
If you put these principles into action, chances are your friendships will get a lot better.
And if you’re already working towards improving your heart skills and social circle, you might find yourself on the road to that goal in no time if you are ready to be intentional about your deeds.
Looking to build on your strong relationship with your friends? Play Be Strong International’s Social Yaks game. Social Yaks is a card game created to help increase engagement among individuals and build social cohesion within communities. It’s great for all kinds of groups, from strangers to best friends or couples because there’s always something new to learn about each other.
Click here to learn more about Social Yaks and purchase the game.
