How can you help your child do better in school, fit in with others in their social group and be successful later in life? Make them do the dishes. Or cut the lawn, take care of family pets – any other household chore you assign them.
Parenting experts say household chores are one of the most essential development tools you can give your children. Doing chores teaches them to function as part of a team, which builds self-esteem from the satisfaction of being treated as a vital member of the family. Doing household chores also has practical benefits: The child learns skills they’ll need later in life, and you have a cleaner, more orderly home with less stress for everyone.
However, you can’t just start assigning chores without a plan, and you need to be fair and practical in managing it. The easiest way to make sure everyone has the right tasks and no one has more than others is to do a schedule to assign chores. A schedule also is a simple way to make sure everyone is doing their job.
Before discussing how to create your family’s chore schedule, let’s look at why it’s essential to have children do household chores and how you can get them to do them without too much struggle.
Why Chores Are Important for Children
Parenting experts agree that children who do chores grow up to become more independent, responsible adults. Michigan State University Extension cites a Harvard study naming chores as one of several factors predicting health and well-being later in life. A University of Minnesota study revealed the same benefit.
How can setting the table or cleaning the bathroom help a child succeed as an adult? It works in three ways:
It Teaches a Mindset of Helping
In How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims asserts that chores build responsibility, autonomy and perseverance. “When young people have been expected to roll up their sleeves and pitch in, and to ask how they can contribute to the household, it leads to a mindset of pitching in in other settings, such as the workplace,” writes Lythcott-Haims, former dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising at Stanford University. Furthermore, she says, not giving them chores “deprives them of the satisfaction of applying their effort to a task and accomplishing it.”
This helps the child develop a positive self-image, which is essential to success.
It Builds Self-Esteem
“Responsibilities can make children and adolescents feel special,” explains Eugene V. Beresin, M.D., professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, writing in Psychology Today. “When they succeed in mastering more responsibilities, they not only feel that they can do what adults or older siblings do, but earn respect and validation for their competence . . . Tackling responsibilities helps kids feel that they are growing up. They are fulfilling an intrinsic desire and drive to become independent, autonomous individuals. In addition, they enjoy the pleasure and great satisfaction in taking care of themselves and others.”
Much of the child’s positive self-esteem comes from being taken seriously as a contributing member of the team.
It Strengthens Connection to the Family
If everyone in the household shares in the workload, they will start to become a stronger team. When children are given chores, they “begin to see themselves as important contributors to the family. They feel a connection to the family,” the Center for Parenting Education advises. “Holding them accountable for their chores can increase a sense of themselves as responsible and actually make them more responsible. Children will feel more capable for having met their obligations and completed their tasks.”
Children also get a practical benefit from doing chores that pays off later in life: They learn how to take care of themselves.
It Teaches Life Skills
You wouldn’t send your child to school without teaching them how to tie their shoes or button their coat. Why let them leave home without knowing how to do their own laundry? If they share their home with a roommate, will that person be willing to do all the household tasks? Probably not. Knowing how to do their share of household tasks is a skill your child must learn to succeed in life, just as they must learn how to read and do math to succeed in school.
All these things are true and make a lot of sense – to us, the adults. Children usually need a little more convincing. The older they are when you start assigning them chores, the harder it is. Understanding why they resist doing chores can help you overcome their resistance.
Why Kids Resist Doing Chores
It’s not hard to understand why. Children resist doing chores because of the way they think:
- Today Matters, Not Tomorrow
The average 7-year-old has no idea about the future beyond the next school vacation. Tell them you want them to get along with a roommate after they move out of the house, and you might as well be telling them a fairy tale.
- It’s All About Them
Yes, they do like being considered an essential part of the family. But they won’t realize that until they start contributing and feeling the pleasure. Until then, spending the day playing video games in their room is just fine, thanks.
- Chores Are Just Not Fun
Admit it. You don’t like emptying the dishwasher or washing windows either. But you do those things because they have to be done. Children don’t think that way – yet. It’s your job to change your child’s thinking.
If your child resists doing chores, you’re not going to change their mind with logic or by telling them of all the benefits they’ll get. None of those things matter to them. Doing a schedule to assign chores will help them to choose to cooperate.
Doing a Schedule to Assign Chores
Here’s how to create a schedule of chores for kids to do around the house. It should be fair and realistic and should enable everyone to do their share:
1. Decide Whether You’ll Pay for Chores
Some parenting experts advise against paying children to do chores or withholding allowance if they don’t do them. They argue that chores should be considered a simple obligation that every household member must fulfill to keep the team functioning. Others say payment teaches children that work has value and no one should work for free. It’s up to you whether to pay. However, be sure to stick to whatever decision you make.
2. List the Chores You Want Done
This will be related to your children’s ages. Children under 5 can probably set the table or empty wastebaskets but save things like cutting the grass and cleaning the bathroom for kids over 10. For children who can’t read, use stickers or draw a picture of the chore – use an image of a puppy to depict feeding the dog, for instance.
3. Make a Weekly Chore Chart
There are many ways to set up your chart; google “family chore chart” and you’ll see some examples. One format is a grid with family members’ names and the days of the week across the top, with the chores running down the side.
If your children are small, make the schedule as appealing as possible. Use bright colors, glitter or anything you think might draw your child’s eye to it. You could even have them help you create it. If you are dealing with teenagers, make sure they are clear on what they need to do. Have them program their task list on their phone, so they won’t forget it.
4. Involve Everyone in the Chore Assignments
Gather everyone together and tell them you’ll be deciding as a family who does what each week. Ask each person what chores they want to do. (Don’t ask what they don’t want to do.) If several family members want the same task, take the opportunity to teach negotiation. Try to let the competing children work this out for themselves.
5. Check Off Completed Tasks
Include space on the chart to check off completion. This provides both recognition and accountability.
Tips for Kids and Chores
- Make your chore list as fun as possible; it shouldn’t be a chore to decide what chores get done!
- Even though you’re involving everyone in the assignments, remember that you are the final authority. If your family is a team, you’re the coach, and you have the final say on what gets done.
- Change the assignments each week, or at least each month.
- Expect imperfection, at least at first. If your child hasn’t completed a task exactly the way you want it, resist the urge to jump in and do it yourself. But do let the child know how to do it better next time.
The most important consideration is this: If you want your child to contribute to Team Family, you have to contribute to the team as well. Parenting is often a matter of modeling positive behavior; if your child sees you contributing, they’ll realize that no one is above doing household chores. If you want your children to participate without complaining, you have to do your assignments the same way.
Making sure your children do chores will take some work, but the reward will be capable, successful children – and a home that’s clean (or clean enough).
For more help with effective parenting skills to strengthen your family relationships, visit Be Strong International or call 305-969-7829.
