As a parent of a teenager, this conversation might sound familiar to you:
“How was your day?”
“Fine.”
“That’s it? Just fine?”
“Yup.”
These one-sided, one-word answer conversations can frustrate parents. We’re going to show you ways to show love to your teen, and get them to open up and communicate with you.
Teenagers put walls up and are more interested in spending time with their friends than with their parents, and the parents don’t understand how to get their teen to confide in them. Even though you’re angry and frustrated, it’s important to use love and logic with teenagers. And equally important, is the parents’ unconditional love. In this article, we will discuss the following:
- You aren’t alone: Get to know your child’s friends and their parents **
- Single-parent homes where the parent works: Support system is crucial
- Unique challenges faced by foster families
- Time and listening
- Love between parents: Don’t let teens pit you against each other. Talk through issues and present a united front; be willing to compromise.
- Unconditional love: Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.
- How much freedom is too much?
You’re not alone: Don’t be afraid to ask for help and set up a support network. As a result, this can be mutually beneficial.
A strong support network includes your teen’s teachers, friends and family, your spouse or partner, and the parents of your teen’s friends. Everyone needs a support system; people to listen, professionals to offer advice, and acquaintances who are going through the same struggles that you are, to listen and offer advice and help.
In addition, many communities have parenting support groups. Belonging to a supportive circle of friends can help ease your burden and give you a sense of empowerment.
Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.
Chances are they are enduring the same struggles. As a result, connecting with the parents of your child’s friends, you can support each other and be part of your child’s life without being overbearing and intrusive. For example, when your daughter is growing through her teen years and you open your home to her friends and get to know their parents as well.
Be Strong International offers some great tips on building strong parent and teenager relationships:
https://bestrongintl.org/programs/the-secrets-to-a-great-parent-and-teenager-relationship/
Love between parents.
Don’t let your teen pit you against each other. Instead, talk about issues and present a united front. Be willing to compromise. Compromise means seeing things from your partner’s point of view and not always assuming that only your opinions are correct. Love between parents, and letting your teen see it, is important to providing a stable environment where your teen feels safe and loved.
Communication and listening skills are equally important.
Parent’s unconditional love towards their teen, along with love and logic, will foster effective communication.
Effective communication begins with listening. Let your teen know it is safe to open up to you. Now is the time to transition from parent to friend. The old adage, “Be their parent, not their friend” is not as effective anymore. Teenagers tend to be rebellious by nature. As a result, too strict parenting at this stage of their lives will often have the opposite effect of what you want. All too often, teenagers run away from home because their parents are too strict. The teen felt that their parents never listened and never tried to understand them. Remember how you felt when you were a teenager? As a result, this may help you better understand and help your teenager navigate the problems of adolescence.
In addition, giving them more freedom will foster responsibility and a sense of empowerment in your teen. Show love and logic with teens as you set boundaries and explain your reasons.
Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.
How much freedom is too much?
How much freedom you give your teen depends on several things like their age or emotional readiness. For example, you wouldn’t give the same amount of freedom to a thirteen-year-old that you would to an eighteen-year-old. This also depends on how much your teen is ready for. Each child is different. Get to know your teen by spending time with them and actively listening.
TeenRehab.org says to expect your teen to push the boundaries. Be ready to explain why you set those boundaries. This is another important reason for you and your partner to show a united front.
Time and listening
Active listening means you don’t prejudge. Here is where you need to transition from parent to friend (as long as they aren’t indulging in risky behavior). This is a fine line to walk, but it is important to reign in your emotions and show love and logic. Teenagers will respond in the same way.
Unique family dynamics such as single-parent homes where the parent works and foster families.
These types of homes are becoming more common: families where the parents have separated or divorced and where one or both parents work. Teenagers who are in foster homes have to deal with a whole distinct set of problems. This issue deserves an entire article dedicated to it, but we’ll cover it briefly here.
Single-parent homes where the parent works
Single-parent homes where the parent works are common. It’s difficult for single parents to keep tabs on their teens, but it’s not impossible. The teen might also feel resentful that their parent is not around as much as they would like. They may also split their time with the other parent, making it difficult for the parents to present a united front if they have different parenting approaches.
Fostering parents often have their own biological children in the home, and it’s difficult to plan for the future, as the fostered teen may only be in their home for a short time before returning to their birth family.
An effective support system is crucial.
Seek help from teachers, after-school program staff, and other parents. Be Strong International also offers tips and resources to help you find the best after-school program for your teen:
https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-to-look-for-in-the-best-after-school-clubs-for-kids-today/
https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-3-problems-do-most-single-parents-face/
Unique challenges faced by foster families
Being a foster parent can come with its own set of challenges when it comes to showing love to your and getting them to listen to you. They can include:
- Uncertainty about the future as judges or case workers might decide to send foster children back to their birth family.
- Visits from birth parents and siblings.
- These factors can disrupt the home life of the foster family.
Very Well Family lists more details on the unique challenges of raising foster, the family dynamics, and how to approach them. There is support for families of teens, no matter where you are.
In Conclusion
Finally, be patient. Change takes time. There will still be turbulent times with your teen, but if you show patience, use your support network, and listen with love, you and your teen will develop a stronger and better relationship.
Be Strong International offers a myriad of support and resources to teenagers, parents, and families in Miami-Dade communities. A helpful resource we offer parents of teens is “Raising the B.A.R.”
Raising the B.A.R
Our Raising the B.A.R. program helps support parents and families of teens by providing them with educational workshops, services, and resources to raise happy and healthy teens.
For more information and to register for a workshop, visit Parent Workshops Calendar
Key Takeaways
Here are the key takeaways from this article:
- Communication
- Active listening without prejudging
- Unconditional love with teens
- Support system
- Establish boundaries
